Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Volunteer Barbeque

Dad, Mom, and I went to a barbeque tonight held in honour of all the volunteers in town. Dad and Mom of course were invited for playing the violin and piano over at the old folks home. The BBQ was being held in the parking lot of Redi Enterprises and as we approached there was an older man walking towards his car - he appeared to be in his 70's and looked normal in every way. Dad said hello to the man, but he didn't respond in a way that I thought he was just ignoring us. Dad then asked the man if he worked here. The elderly man looked a little confused, said no, and then walked away. Mom and I were laughing to ourselves when Dad says, give him a few minutes; he'll get it.
All About My Pants:

We almost went to Medicine Hat the other day, but then we decided that both Mom and Gail would probably be working all day so it probably wouldn't be worth it. I really want to come down though, because I have 4 pairs of jeans that need major repairs. My light blue cool pants have major rips in the butt, My dark blue and also my red cool pants have rips in the crotch, and I have another pair of cool pants that are pinned together and just waiting to be sewn. Tracie's sewing machine doesn't seem cut out to sew jean material, she has bent or broken 3 needles already. I should probably just buy more pants, but I can't justify buying 2 new pairs of jeans for $60 or $70. It doesn't seem worth it, especially because I can just get my old pants patched and then go out to eat 7 times instead. In case somebody doesn't know what cool pants look like, here is a picture:

This is me standing in my parent's backyard wearing my red cool pants. You can see the world's largest teepee in the background.

The makeup looks really good, but it seems a little dark to me, but maybe I'm just used to seeing Jeff's pasty white face.

-Gary Milner

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Anna-Maria Old Age Make-Up

Anna-Maria applied some old age make-up to my face this morning. This was her first time of doing this particular kind of old age make-up and although she is confident she could do better her next time, I think she did a pretty convincing job.

The make-up took about two to two and a half hours to apply and after she had it marked for her final, I took it off (2 minutes after it was done)! Anyway my face is still a little red from the latex. I imagine Gary will be interested in trying this but I must say although it looks cool, the process of having it applied is very boring.

Monday, April 28, 2003

Gary: 69 Traffic Cop: 50 Winner = Gary

If you will kindly remember my post of 4/22/2003 @ 10:06:57 PM, I wrote:

My last exam actually conflicts with my court date. I haven't been arrested for anything, but I got a speeding ticket that was pretty high. I'm thinking of fighting it, especially if I can get back for my exam in time. I just need to find out if it's true that you get out of the ticket if the cop doesn't show up. I kind of get the feeling that everybody has a friend of a friend who got out of a ticket because the cop didn't show, or their sister-in-law's cousins uncle is a lawyer who says that's the way it is, but really you know what that means to me. Absolutely nothing. People are liars. They are just trying to be helpful, but they don't know jack. Really people are just stupid.

It turns out that I decided not to simply pay the fine, but to actually go down there and see if I could take care of business. It also turned out to be worthwhile. I went to plead my case, before a Justice.

If any of you, my dear readers, have ever been cited for speeding, you will know that you have three options. Option 1. Pay the voluntary payment. Option 2. Plead not guilty by mailing the notice to the proper address. Option 3. Appear before a Justice, to plead guilty or not guilty to the offence charged. My experience has led me to believe that Option 1 is for suckers. Option 2 is for people who really are not guilty. Option 3 is the best option out there.

I picked option three. I went down to correct location, got in a very short line at one of the wickets, and got some direction of what I wanted to do. I told him that I wanted to enter a plea. He said, “Are you pleading not guilty?”

I said, "No, guilty, I’m just going to beg." He gave off the appearance of being mildly amused.
Part 2

He said, "You'll be first, but the Crown Prosecutor won't be here until 9:30, you can go and come back later, or just wait right there for him to call you."

Getting there at about 8:10 was a real plus, because the waiting area filled up quite fast after I sat down, and by the time I was completely done, the entire office was packed. When the Crown Prosecutor finally called me in, I had a chance to explain my situation to him. I had prepare my argument earlier that morning, and I'll give you a shortened version.

1. The construction zone had a portable sign that was not properly visible.
2. There were no people doing construction at the site at the time of the infraction.
3. There was little traffic. No cars traveling in front for 500 meters and no cars passed by us for the entire time that the officer was writing the ticket.
4. In the direction I was headed there were two completely unobstructed lanes and a shoulder on the right hand side of the road, a third lane and the other shoulder were partially closed by pylons.
5. I was traveling in the outside lane, and the closed lane was on the inside.
6. The police were inside the construction zone monitoring the speed of traffic, but I had not yet entered the zone when they signalled me to pull over.

He said, "Well I can definitely bring this down. How does $70 sound, that’s 12km/h over the speed limit." (Remember I was clocked at 85 in a 60)

I said, "Can you do any better than that?"

He said, "No, not really. I know that those portable signs are hard to see, but they put up big signs about three months ago, I travel that road all the time."

I said, "I don't go by there very often, but I'm a student, I don't have a job yet, and my student loan ran out last month. Can you bring it down any more?"

Part 3

He said, "Well since you're a student, I can charge you for 85 in a 80, which is the normal limit and that will be $50 and 2 demerits. You can also have more time to pay it. You don't have to take it, you can go before a Judge."

I said, "No, I'll just pay the $50."

I'm really glad that I held out for the extra $20 off. I feel like a really good negotiator now. Looking back, I should have pressed for more, but at the time I was just glad for the $69 off. It's hard to believe that he took off more that half the fine just because I went down to see him. I don't think that I will ever pay the full price of any ticket ever again. I mean I got there at 8:10 or so and was out the door at 9:35. That's $69 for an hour and a half.

He told me to wait outside until the Justice called me in, and about 5 minutes later the Justice called me in, and said, "Ok, your new fine is $50."

While I was there, I asked her about the Cop not showing up issue, and she said basically that it depends, but more often than not, it's not true.

The fact of the matter is that the cop shows up. The thing I went to today was just a first appearance. If I would have plead not guilty, we would have set a time for an actual court date and the cop would have been sent a letter notifying him. Why would you spend the day putting yourself at risk out in public, when you can spend the day getting paid to hang out at the courthouse? It's like a day off.
Well I've been feeling a little apathetic about posting on the blog lately. It really has to do with the realization that almost nobody comes here. I mean what's the point of posting on here when I could just email the two or three people that actually care. I think most disappointing was the fact that Tracie said she doesn't even bother to read it anymore. I guess she just gets Gary to let her know if anything interesting gets posted. Sorry to say, nothing interesting here. I will, however, take some before and after pictures of the make-up that Anna is going to put on my face this afternoon.

Saturday, April 26, 2003

When Ents Attack:

Some poor schnook, parked his car in the one hour parking. He's been there all day. Hopefully the cops are too busy with accidents to give him a ticket. I think old Treebeard finally just went postal on the little red miata.

The roads are very bad today, Tracie and I could hear lots of ambulances going to the Foothills Hospital. There was only about 4 inches of snow this morning when I went to get Tracie. When we left to go to the Jensen's birthday party, our car almost got stuck right in the parking lot. The main roads weren't too bad, but the bottom of my little civic dragged in the snow on all the side roads. We almost got stuck parking on the street at the Jensen's house.

It was a fun little birthday party for their one year old Olivia. I just realized that their daughter's initials are O.J. Kind of funny. I wonder if she's going to help find the real killers.
Bad Things Update:

Bad things happen to good people all the time. Like today for example, I woke up at 7:00 to pick up Tracie from the hospital (that's not the bad part) and I looked out the window, but it was completely white. I couldn't even see the buildings across from ours. Snow was/is stuck to all our windows on both sides of our apartment.

We are having the biggest Snow storm of the entire winter today. Canada stinks for this one reason alone. Unfortunately places where the weather doesn't stink, stink worse for political and economic reasons. Some places actually stink in addition to having crappy politics and economics. In fact the only way Mexico could stink any more, is if they widened the roads (so more stink could fit).

On our way back from the hospital, we saw a power line get knocked down. There were a bunch of hugh sparks, and all the lights went out. It was pretty cool. I called the Enmax trouble desk. They have an automated system to answer calls and connect you with a real person. Anyway, the system says, "If you are in physical danger right now, hang up and dial 911," about five times before you get to an actual person. I told them about the downed line, and the guy said he thought that it might be on the list, but that he would make sure. That was pretty fast, but I guess it wouldn't be that out of the question that they would have some sort of system that automatically pinpoints downed cables, or that someone who actually lives right beside the downed line to have called in by the time I drove 30 blocks to get home.

Friday, April 25, 2003

Take home exams aren't all that they are cracked up to be. I had one last year, that was basically a two page paper. It was really easy, and that was pretty nice, but the two I did this year were killer. One was a 10 page paper, and I only had a week to do it, but it was over easter, and the other exam was due 4 days before, so I really only had 3 days to do it. I would way rather be stuck in a gym or classroom for 3 hours.

Anyway, I have at least one story (that I can still remember) to share. A week or two ago, I got a message from a girl at CJSW, the campus radio station. She wanted a photo of a concert that they had promoted, and that we (the Gauntlet) had photographed. I phoned her, quickly dialing, got an answering machine and started to leave a message. About halfway through my message this girl picks up the phone.

I said, "Is Lisa there?"

She said, "no."

I said, "Is this Lisa's house?"

She said, "No."

I said, "Does Lisa live here?"

By this point I can tell that the girl is getting really confued. She says, "I don't know."

I say, "What do you mean you don't know, either she does, or she doesn't"

Then she says, "Gary?"

I say, "Is this Tracie?"

It was Tracie! The radio girl's number was 220-6563 and my number is 202-5653. Tracie had just got off the night shift, and thought that I was playing a little trick on her. I told her that I had to go and basically hung up on her. Boy was she ever confused. She had no idea what just happened.

I went to Medicine Hat and then Calgary on Wednesday with Anna-Maria. We went to Medicine Hat so that Anna could pick up Jakob and take him to Calgary. I needed to go to Calgary to pick up Jackie's car while she is in California and I must say that her car is a lot nicer than mine. I also started this post about 3 hours ago but forgot about it while chatting with Mom and Dad and explaining to them how to install some stuff on their computer.

Done School

I finished my last exam yesterday. It's nice to be done school, I now have to go out and get a job. I hate getting a job. I was hoping a job would just fall into my lap, but until that happens I suppose I'll just lounge around here.... oops I mean go out and find one.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Time Traveller Update:

I guess we will never know the truth about Andrew Carlssin. He has apparently disappeared! It's too bad, I could have used some stock tips myself.

-Gary Milner

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Final Exam Update:

I got done my second exam just now. It's not due for another 2 hours. I guess I could have procrastinated a little while longer. I hope that it makes it's way through the stupid internet, in less than two hours. The stupid mail servers are geting software maintenence between 3:00 and 3:30 in the morning, so I hope that doesn't screw up my prof. getting my email submission. I guess that just leaves one more exam on the 28th.

My last exam actually conflicts with my court date. I haven't been arrested for anything, but I got a speeding ticket that was pretty high. I'm thinking of fighting it, especially if I can get back for my exam in time. I just need to find out if it's true that you get out of the ticket if the cop doesn't show up. I kind of get the feeling that everybody has a friend of a friend who got out of a ticket because the cop didn't show, or their sister-in-law's cousins uncle is a lawyer who says that's the way it is, but really you know what that means to me. Absolutely nothing. People are liars. They are just trying to be helpful, but they don't know jack. Really people are just stupid.

Monday, April 21, 2003


I went to Cardston for Easter. For those of you who don't know where Cardston is, it is about 30 minutes east of Waterton National Park.

Tracie's Grandparents live there. We had a good visit, and some great meals. We had what was quite possibly the best 2 cakes I have ever eaten in my entire life. Believe me these cakes were good. If there's one thing I know, it's a good cake. I know a lot people who rave about how good a cake is, wouldn't know a good cake if it came up and bit them on the ass, but I'm not one of those people.

On Saturday, we coloured eggs to roll down a hill. I made a self-portrait, some tanks, and a SARS egg. The self-portrait egg is in the photo. It looks just like me doesn't it?

The SARS egg was in the lead for a long time, and I was having a great time, then my brother-in-law Dan beat me by about a foot. I was so mad. I always have a great through about halfway through the event, and then at the very end, someone barely beats me. Everybody loved the egg rolling, eventhough it is actually just a waste of 8 dozen eggs. About 3 dozen cracked while boiling, and the rest we through down a hill. Don't worry though, the seagulls had their best Easter ever.

I didn't get an Easter basket this year, but it didn't really come as a shock because we saw him dead on the road near Fort Macleod. His cousin was also hit by a car near Lethbridge. It was a sad Easter for the Bunny family this year with at least 2 alcohol related deaths this spring.

-Gary Milner
School CENSORED!!! (it's inappropriate to make jokes about clocktowers):

I got done my first final on Friday afternoon. I submitted it by email at about 3:00. It just about got the best of me. I had an accounting teacher in Medicine Hat. He was/is a pretty good guy, even with the short attention span. Anyway, he said that "A" students keep track of their grades throughout the year, and if you (a student) know what your grade is going into the final exam, and it's an "A" you don't have to write the final, because you have proven yourself throughout the year with your assignments. So I started keeping track of all my grades. He didn't let me skip the final, although I did get an "A" in his class. The point of that little story is to say that, although it can be a good idea to keep track of your grades, sometimes it's a bad idea. Take me writing that exam on Friday morning. I was completely stumped by a question worth 10% of my grade, and I got to thinking, "I only need to get 25% on this test for a "C". After completing the other half of the test, I was confident that I would at least get a "C+". Luckily, I'm married, and Tracie made me do the hard question. Now I'm just waiting for the results in that class. I'm thinking I went from a B+ to a B. But you can never be sure.

I am 40% done my other take home exam. I still have to write 6 pages (recommended length) on 4 questions. I have already completed the first 4 pages. Single spaced. We are also submitting this one by email. There will be no changing margins. There will be not 1.2 spacing. There will be no size 13 fonts. Just a MS-Word file 3400 words long. This test is not nearly as bad as the first one. As of March 18 I had an "A" for class participation. The University calander says: "A — Excellent — superior performance, showing comprehensive understanding of subject matter." Take that. I show "Superior Performance" in my class participation.

-Gary Milner

I accidentally let the insurance on my car lapse so its been sitting in the garage for the last couple of weeks. I finally got it reinstated but not until I had gone to quite a lot of trouble. I highly recommend that if you move and have insurance from a company in your old city, that you find a new local place because frankly its just not worth the hassle. During the time that I was without my car I relied on Anna to drive me around and when she couldn't then I was left riding Anna's bike. (I'm so pathetic I don't even own a bike). Last Thursday Anna was in Calgary for an audition and so I rode her bike over to the University. I somewhat lost track of time finishing some old assignments that were long overdue and when it was time to come home it was really dark out. I discovered a path that is actually a substantial shortcut from the road but it was REALLY dark. I rode down the hill pretty slowly - not wanting to die and all - and then thought of a really good idea. I would use my little key chain "phaser" light that Jackie gave to me to light the way. Well no sooner than I turned on the light that I saw a weasel zip across the path in front of me. How many weasels do you think had whisked across my path before the light was on? Anyway after all the biking I decided that even with Anna's gel seat, her bicycle is still not very comfortable to ride for a long time.

Anna's Sisters

When Anna returned on Friday night she brought along two of her sisters and their little dog. Lana went home yesterday but Pam will be visiting for the next three or so days. During the time that Anna has been spending with her sisters and I guess before she got back I've been doing so work around the house. I finally got that old lawn mower working and I also cleaned out the gutters and watered the grass. It turns out that the sprinkler that was left with the house actually doesn't really work. It just shoots water straight up instead of swivelling back and forth. I'm about to go out and buy a new one.


When I got home the other day I was in for a good surprise. My roommate got a new job at Robin's Donuts and left three-dozen donuts sitting on the table with a note that I could help myself. This pleases me. :)

Jeff Milner Movie Review - The Phone Booth

Anna, her sisters, and I, took in The Phone Booth (Official Site / Preview) on the weekend. First off I have to admit that this movie did keep my attention the whole way through, but it really lacked in any kind of scene change or progression. The tension peaks early on and then holds until the end of the movie. Frankly nothing really happens - at least nothing unpredictable. Actually the most unpredictable part was that the police were so slow to arrive on the scene (if you've ever been to Times Square then you know how many police officers there are everywhere) and how poorly they reacted to the situation. It's like the writers haven't ever watched Real TV or even Cops and just have no idea how the police service actually works. Anyway I don't regret seeing it but if I ever see it again - it will be too soon.


I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I missed my Music 1011 final. How did that happen? It's a combination of factors really. I have been attending Music 1011 at 11:00am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I had special permission since I am registered in the 3 o'clock class. Well the 11 o'clock class is supposed to have their test on the 24th but my 3 o'clock class had their test last week and well I got mixed up on which day for which class and if I was supposed to attend the test for the class I was registered or the class that I attended. Anyway I could be in some serious trouble if I am not able to take it on the 24th but I'm just hoping things will work out for me. They usually do.

Saturday, April 19, 2003

New Additions

I added a Stairway to Heaven flash clip, that I made a while ago, to the New Media section. It plays a clip forward and then if you click on reverse, it plays the same clip backwards. I think you might find it interesting, but this by no means implies I worship satan, just in case you thought it did. I also added a joke section and a few jokes and riddles that I have collected.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

Well, I got done my last assignment; now all I have left are two take home finals and one scheduled final. I have come to the conclusion that take-home finals suck big time. They are way longer and harder than regular finals. They are like major assignments, but you only get a few days to do them. They look to be pretty big. The recommended page-length for one of them is 10 pages single-spaced. That's pretty brutal. I think I am going to be a little more concise than that. It's due on the 22nd at midnight. The other one is looking to be a little smaller, but still 3 or 4 pages single space due Saturday at midnight. I'm submitting both by email, which makes it a little better because I can do them at home. (Possibly naked. Isn't this modern age wonderful? You don't even have to get dressed to hand in your homework!) The exam scheduled for the 28th isn't even on my radar yet. Apparently people say that if you know the notes (he writes the notes and you copy them down), you will do well, and it's mostly m/c and fill in the blanks, with a few short answer questions to spice things up a bit. But because the exam is so late, there isn't going to be an essay question, which seemed to disappoint the professor a little. I not disappointed one bit though.

Being Married
Tracie has been beaking-off to me lately. Not really, but one of my profs. used the phrase "beaking-off" and I was itching to say it.

-Gary Milner

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Welcome Friends

I sent out a mass email telling some of my friends about the blog and the new flash movie that I completed. I remember some of them asked me to update them if I ever finished it, and as for the others that didn't know about it? Well you can enjoy now. Please don't be shy - share your comments. I'm getting a lot faster at making these flash movies, and who knows, maybe I'll even get "good" at it one day. Thanks for visiting.


It's almost time to get the kayaks out. I've been thinking a lot about going kayaking now that it's been warm for so many days straight. The water is still probably too cold, but I wonder if it will be warm enough in May? I'm glad to be living here in Lethbridge where I'll only have to make a short drive to the Belly River, which is of course my favourite kayaking river.
New Flash Movie - Who Wants a Millionaire?

I just finished the sensational new movie, "Who Wants a Millionaire?". I figure we'll see some increased traffic on this one. Oh yeah, this is the good stuff. Please shout out any comments.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Roommate Update

Well I've known for a while that I should be looking for new roommates but now I really will have to find somebody new because my current roommate just told me that he's moving out in July or August. At least I won't ever have to worry about the rabbit anymore. Steve Meldrum phoned me tonight to catch up on what I've been up to. Apparently he doesn't read the blog. Anyway he is going away to Europe with his wife, Monique, for the summer. I knew they were going but the thing that surprised me was that they sold the house. From what I could tell he seems pretty happy about his situation.

New Media Final

I have another New Media Final presentation tomorrow. I was going to make a flash movie using the story line that Gary came up with - the one about the bottomless pit, but instead I just finished up the one that I had started last summer - the Jeff Millionaire one. I'll post it soon; it's still not done! I have to present it at 2:00 tomorrow.

Monday, April 14, 2003

The Book

The presentation of my book was successful as expected. To celebrate, Anna-Maria and I, are ordering pizza and watching rented DVD's.

Jeff Milner's Movie Review

It might be too early to say that Maid in Manhattan is just a chick flick not worth watching, but I'll give Anna-Maria the benefit of the doubt and sit through it with her. The other night we rented The Count of Monty Cristo. I give it 7 out of 10. For those of you that don't know, I can be very critical of movies. So a 7 out of 10 is pretty good. Anna gives it a "7 or an 8". Glad to see I'm on the right track, after all she is the actress.
Bad Car

The stupid car won't start again. I think that it doesn't like the rain or something. The battery seems fine, and I have no idea what the problem is. Tracie and I are contemplating buying a new car. Tracie would have to lower her student loan payments, but we could probably do it. We would probably have to use our tax returns. The car has been reliable for a long time, but depending on how much it's going to cost to repair it, we might be better off just using the money to pay the first 3 or 4 payments on a new car. I think the problem may just be a short or something when it gets wet. It was kind rainy and miserable the last time this happened. I'm sick of it, we really need a car bad. Luckily for us, Ralph bought a new truck last week and left his car here for lack of a way to get it home to Medicine Hat. So depending on how things go this week, we may be driving his car to Cardston on the weekend, and then bringing it back to Calgary. I guess that would mean a trip to Medicine Hat to drop it off in two weeks or so. I never even thought how much insurance on a new car would be. What a pain in the butt getting a new car could be.

-Gary Milner
Final Project Completed

I finished the book for my still images class. It's all ready for the presentation today at 2:00. Here is a mediated version. It is highly compressed and on a good server so it shouldn't take long to download, but the version that I copied to VHS is much nicer.

Saturday, April 12, 2003

Computer Update

I'm back in business baby! I guess it was just a virus all along. Now I just have to fix what I broke while trying to fix it. At least my Internet connection is back up.
I've been wanting to write this for a while. It's to the people who visit this site. I've noticed that we seem to get hit's from places where, I for one don't seem to know anybody. If you don't mind, leave a shout out. You don't need to leave your email address or anything, I'm just sort of curious as to where you are from and how you found this sight, etc. I'm am particularly curious about the people who have never met any of the posters.
-Gary Milner
Spring Update

Before I was so rudely interrupted by a barbeque, I was going to say why I love spring in Calgary. Although spring is an all-round good season, spring in Calgary is especially good. The main reason is that Calgaryians for the most part seem to be outdoorsy people. As soon as the mercury raises above 5 or 6 degrees Celsius the masses head outside. There are suddenly joggers everywhere and there are too many cyclists to count. When the sand is swept up, in-line skaters will soon follow. Millennium Park is already full of skaters and bmx’ers who can’t wait for summer. By June the walking paths will be full. Here’s an interesting fact, along the river, there are two sets of walking paths. One for people on foot, and one for people on wheels, be they bicycle wheels or the kind you wear on your feet.

The thing is, it’s not just students that are into the outdoors. Admittedly lots of the kids do go jogging, but even as you get farther and farther from the university the paths are still full. Full of older folks, with white hair and veins showing through their sickly white skin, I’m just amazed at the activity level of Calgaryians.
-Gary Milner
Mold Update

I came to the University this morning with Anna-Maria and her sister Lana. We went to the make-up shop and I had my face molded with alginate. It was really cold on my face but after about 10 minutes they took it off and it seems to have worked out pretty good. They are going to fill it with plaster and create a positive of my face. They did it as part of their independent study for their make-up class.

Anna's Family Visits

Jakob, Josh, and Lana all came to visit Anna last night. Jakob and Josh were supposed to sleep at my house, but Josh went to bed early and I fell asleep on the couch and the next thing I knew we'd all slept over and I had the biggest pain in my neck! I guess it's my own fault for falling asleep. Lana and I are at the University now and we're going to watch Anna-Maria's final project for her TYA (Theatre for Young Audiences) class. Jakob is hanging out with Zee and Josh is writing the ACT.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Now THAT'S Entertainment

I'm glad to hear that you did the right thing by telling the new Entertainment Editor off. That guy is dumb. He's an ass. He's a dumb ass. Anyway it's a good thing you're just the photo editor and not the full on regular editor because frankly, your post is riddled with mistakes. Usually I go in after you post and fix them, but I'll let you do that yourself since I have approximately four hours to finish my book so that I can take it to get printed tomorrow. Perhaps I will post the animated version when it is done.
Wrapping up school:

Well, I had my last in class test today. Now all that remains is an Assignment, a presentation, two take home finals, and a final exam on the 29th. The last issue of my newspaper came out today; I laid out a page for it last night. I don't think it was as good as the first two that I made, but then again, I didn't take the photos or write the story this time. The spoof issue has been printed. It looks a lot better printed on fancy paper; it looks just like a real national geographic, except with a lot less pages. Over all I am really happy with it. I'll post a link to it when they put it online. The next paper doesn't come out until May 15. Apparently, an editor at the Gateway, at the University of Alberta, scored an internship with Maxim because they spoofed it a year or two ago. The guy didn't even really have much to do with the actual making of the spoof.

I had a shouting match with the new entertainment editor at the paper last night. He was trying to get one of the girls to look at some Japanese pr0n that involved shooting diarrhea, but she didn't want to look so he tried to force her to look. I yelled at him pretty loud, and told him off. A bunch of stuff that no means no, have some respect for women, and that he was quickly moving from sexual harassment to sexual assault and that it would suck pretty bad for him to get banned from the office before his term even started. I guess that this offended him pretty bad, because he tried to lip me off by saying, "Sorry Daddy" to me, but really I wouldn't be the one expelled (non-academic misconduct) and arrested for getting my jollies from making a girl look at some really nasty Japanese pr0n. I'd post a link, but I don't want anyone to be scarred by it. Anyway, I told the editor in chief, (I kind of feel like a tattletale, but the guy really made me mad for some reason. I was so disgusted by the image I guess and then when he was muscling that girl into looking at it...) The EIC, told him off too, and apparently the guy feels pretty bad about it.

Kirsten (a writer at the Gauntlet) applauded my efforts in sticking up for the other girl, which really made my day. I think she might read this sight, and she has her own site, but I don't have the url.

Anyway, Tracie is getting hungry, and we are having a barbeque. I guess you have to be a man to cook steaks (or maybe her little arms won't reach the grill) so I have to go now. More on spring in Calgary to follow...
Final Projects

I've been working super hard on my final projects. I am so stupid for leaving them this long. I have been at the school since 9:00 and I'm thinking maybe it's about time I had some lunch. I can't believe how much more work I still have to do before Monday.


Anna-Maria is going to make a mold of my face using plaster this Saturday. If you've seen the special features on the Fight Club DVD then you'll know what I'm talking about because it's the same process that Brad Pitt went through for his makeup in that movie. Anna said that when it was all over I could keep the mold. Anyway I better get back to work.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Pyramid Update

My swim coach sent out another message explaining that this particular scheme is not a pyramid scheme. I guess some people wrote him back and asked him what the deal was. Still sounds a hell of a lot like a pyramid to me.

School Wrap Up

I'm done all my regular classes and just have finals and review classes now. I am really far behind in my multimedia projects and having said that, I'm going to get to work.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Pyramid's and Other Diversions

Gary you sound really stressed out. I'm glad to hear that things are now under control. Today I received a really weird email from my coach. Here it is:

Swimming friends,

[My wife] and I wanted to let you know about a business opportunity we have recently
gotten involved in.

We are very confident you would find this business a fun and motivating way to build
income, whether a small amount to put away for the future, or as a more significant
part of your day to day income. Many have taken this thing through the roof and
are running it full time.

WHY? We get asked by family and friends...... It's really simple - [my wife] and I have gotten into this business because it has the proven and absolute ability to generate reliable and ongoing income, with a minimal amount of time....For us, that means the ability to free up our time and finances so we can spend more time with our two little ladies. No plans to change careers, just an avenue to build some additonal
income, income that will be generated after a few months of good hard work.

The basics of the business are as follows:
1.. We represent a telecommunications company, Excel Communications, that is a
full service provider in long distance, cellular and Internet.
2.. Excel Communications operates through a direct selling network marketing
approach. They do no advertising, they gain customers through a commission and
bonus program for individuals that become Independant Representatives. Those
Reps (such as [my wife] and I), go out and find customers for Excel. We also go out
and find others to partner with us and gather customers. In return, Excel
provides two types of compensation, a bonus structure based around the number of
customers and representatives signed up, and a commission based on the total
phone/cellular/internet usage of all cusomers signed through our business.
3.. Up front investment is $450, we'll get ours back within 3 or 4 weeks of
starting. After that, it's profit time. No inventory, no bill collecting, no
accounting, it's all handled for you. Signing up customers is as simple as
going to a web site, or making a phone call.
If we have peaked your interest, check out our web site at
. You can find out about the business by checking out the "Business Opportunity"

This Wednesday, April 9, there is a presentation on the Excel Business at the
Travelodge at 526 Mayor Magrath Drive - 7:30pm. [My wife] and I will be there, along
with some experienced local people who will be doing the presentation. There is
absolutely no commitment involved in attending the meeting. We saw this
opportunity and immediately believed it would be a great way for University students
and staff to generate a side income. Getting started through the summer would
allow the business to be running on a very part time basis when you return in the

If you are not at all interested, we hope you will consider supporting our business
by looking through the "Products and Services" section of our web site and trying
out one of the great products offered. Your support in this way would be very much

A note that Excel has just launched an evening & weekends long distance plan at
$21.95 per month (1000 minutes evenings&weekend + 10 cents a minute to Canada & USA
daytime)....not much on the web site about it yet...

AGAIN....WHY? Time and Financial freedom..... WHY NOT?

Thanks for taking the time to read through this. If your current and future
situation might be improved through this business, then get in touch with us or come
out to the meeting on Wednesday at 7:30 (Travelodge - 526 Mayor Magrath) and we can
explain more.

Look forward to hearing from you!

Take care,

So I made him this little picture that he should send along with his emails... what do you think?

image removed
Blogging Saves Lives

Accordian Guy has an interesting post about how blogging saved him from "pyscho new chick". Blogging can save you too.
Funny story

I sat down in my ERP class and started looking through my class outline, and I realize that the assignment that I thought was due today, was actually extended two or three weeks ago. The real due date was for the 15th, now it's for the 17th. Boy is my face red.
School Update:

So, I handed in 2 major group papers yesterday (2500 words each) and wrote that telecommunications basics midterm yesterday. Those three things were a huge burden off my mind. At about 9:00 I checked my email and I got one from a group member that said, "Here is the .ppt presentation so far. Mark will look at graphics. Gary please show up for our next meeting." I thought, did I miss a meeting? Did we even have a meeting? I looked all around the computer and saw a sheet that had "Monday 7th 3:30 meeting" written on it. I forgot that I had a meeting right after my midterm exam. I also forgot that I have an assignment due at 12:30 today. (it's 11:23 right now) So I wrote an email to my group apologizing to my group. I wrote an email to my prof asking for two more days. Then I added 2 more slides to the .ppt and sent another email to my group with it and said sorry one more time. I read my strategic management reading for today and then I went to bed.

You get the worst sick feeling when you forget an assignment or a group meeting. I used to get nightmares about missing basketball practice in high school, and I get the feeling that I'm going to have dreams about missing assignments or meetings for a while into the future now.

Anyway this morning I re-read the strategic management paper because last night it was if I was actually just looking at the words in order, rather than actually reading them. I would get through 2 or 3 pages and then realize that I was just daydreaming. This morning I took notes along with reading. That's a trick I wish I had learned that 12 years ago. I guess I'll see if it pays off in a few days. AT 11:00 am I went to see my enterprise resource planning prof. (she's the one that has the assignment due.) She had read my email, and has agreed to give the entire class 2 more days to work on it. She would have given a week, but she doesn't want it to interfere with final exams that are coming up.

-Gary Milner

Monday, April 07, 2003

Anna-Maria Update

Since you asked Jakob, here is an update on Anna. She is too busy to add to the blog herself but I don't think she'll mind if I write one for her. Actually I'm not to sure what to say except that she has been busy with all her rehearsing and school work. She showed me the enlarged fish hook that she has been carving. It is a 200x replication of a fly fishing hook that, so far, looks pretty good. It still needed the feathers and line attached, but it looks like a pretty nice hook.

Tonight while I slave away on my homework here at the University, Anna is at home watching White Oleander with Zee. Hopefully I am done sometime before it's too late to go visit her tonight, but at the speed this other machine is rendering, it looks like I might be here all night. The project I am working on is a portfolio of all my projects and therefore it's going to take aproximately 1000 years to process the whole thing. I guess I could be studying for my music final in the meantime. Ok - that's it for the update on Anna-Maria.
Computer Update

My computer is broken. Seriously. I spent all afternoon working on it. I'm now giving it a rest and working on homework that is due tomorrow. I'm working on homework at the University that I could be working on at home except that my computer is so messed up right now! I'm going to back up My Documents and install Windows 2000 over itself. If that doesn't work I'll convert it into a boat anchor. That better work, it just better.
Classic tv update:

This day April 7, 2003, Astro Boy was born. Let us all give a shout of glee for this crime fighting child robot.

-Gary Milner
Computer Down

I must have some sort of virus or something because my network is working when I use Linux. My windows 2000 boot just won't even access so I'm afraid I'm going to have to reinstall Windoze.
Jeff Milner Update

I'll resize the photo later, it doesn't fit on the monitors here at the school either. I'm pretty busy with school so it might be awhile before I get around to fixing it and as for missing the CCMAT link, I just got bored with posting all those links. Mom and Dad came to visit because their computer wouldn't boot and they just wanted to visit I guess. But when I went to make a boot disk on my windows 95 machine it wouldn't boot either. Then my Win 2000 machine started acting up and I lost my internet connection and it won't let me open any programs. I can't even login to my linksys router. I don't know what's wrong with my computer but its really ticking me off. I now have 3 broken computers at my house to fix. Mom and Dad left theirs so they probably won't be reading or commenting on the blog for the next week or so.

Sunday, April 06, 2003

Well, I have just finished another assignment. That leaves the midterm Monday, a ERP assignment Tuesday, and a short presentation on the 15th, one in-class final, one take home final, and one final on the 28th. It's really ending. Basically 10 more days, for all my classes to be over. I'm so happy.

Tracie's Dad came to Calgary for a hockey tourneyment, but had some car trouble. They had been looking at cars for months, and so he bought a new truck, it's a nice dodge dakota. He's probably taking it back for one with remote entry and car starter etc. So he has to stay here tonight. He'll be able to find out exactly what is wrong with his car tomorrow as well. He figured that it would be better to have two months payments on the new truck rather than to fix his car. He's probably right because it already has close to 300,000kms.

Jeff, you might want to post a smaller or possibly cropped version of that photo. It's a little too wide for my monitor's resolution.

-Gary Milner

Ps. when you were doing the search on Gary Milner you forgot CCMAT

I convinced Anna to come see the Steve Mann web-casted guest speaker. There is a really good reason why nobody web-casts their speeches. I found out that reason last night. The video screen was like playing Test Drive III on a 286. At least Test Drive III was in colour.

Mom and Dad Come to Visit
Mom and Dad are visiting me today. Dad brought his carvings to show the neighbour and Mom brought a roast for supper. Also they brought the computer and I suspect their hard drive crashed but I think it is still under warranty at Memory Lane.
I Spy

We rented I-Spy last night. I must say I'm pretty disappointed. But it was ok I guess.

Saturday, April 05, 2003

Motion Capture Update

The motion capture workshop was this afternoon. It wasn't nearly as exciting as I had hoped but it was very interesting all the same. Will (aka Anonymous) dressed up in black tights and then attached little balls with reflective tape on them all over the suit. There were about 8 or 9 cameras all around the room and sure enough the computer was able to track his motion. The data was then cleaned up and exported to 3D Studio Max where a bi-ped that someone else created was attached to the data and recreated the motions on the 3D plane.
I was sure interested in reading the story that Jeff posted about the Iraqi who went to so much trouble to save that American girl and I'd like to make a comment. No matter what else happens in that war, this guys actions were a big victory for the Iraqi people. Unfortunately there were some people in that story that were pretty rotten. They were just about as rotten as Saddam and these same people are still going to be around after the war making sure that Iraq will always be a rotten place to live.
Milner's on the Internet

Here are some pages I found while searching our names. Be warned, some of them are more interesting than others and some aren't interesting at all!

Jackie Milner
Lakehead UNIVERSITY Contact: Nancy Angus (807) 343-8372
ASAA - Alberta Schools' Athletic Association
Article 17 Form 23c
Volleyball Master
South East Alberta Volleyball Club
November 6, 2000
Medicine Hat College Rattlers - Staff Directory

Gary Milner

Hat Hurricanes Forum - Career/Business threads
2002-03 CWUAA Champions
Boring or too confusing?

Jeff Milner

Jeff Milner's Personal Directory
Grudge Match 2
Sporting Canada: Hourly Swimming Rankings - Men

University of Lethbridge Awards Banquet Pic

And last but not least here is a picture of me from the Awards Banquet tonight. I think the girls may have had a bit much to drink...

Friday, April 04, 2003

Milner Blog Recently Updated

This is the first time I've noticed our site featured on the Blogger main page! The more often we update the site the more chance that we'll get on that page and more people can check out our site.

Iraqi Man Risks All to Save POW

This is quite possibly the most interesting story I've read about the war.
Blue and Gold Banquet

I went to an awards banquet tonight for being a part of the University Swim team. I never won any awards myself, but I had a good time eating the food and cheering for those that won. I think Anna-Maria was a little sad that she never got to come with me. It was really a last minute decision for me to go and so I feel bad that she never got to come along; instead she made the Vegetable Curry without me. Women are definitely from Venus.


As you know, I am not engaged. I have been engaged once, but I didn't really want to be engaged and am glad that I'm not yet married. Anyway this post isn't about me. It's not even about Tim Heggie getting married later this month after only getting engaged last month (and after only meeting the girl 3 weeks before he proposed) but anyway I digress. This post is to announce that my cousin Don and his girlfriend Lyann just got engaged and are probably going to be getting married sometime this fall.
Recipe Update

Anna-Maria and I are going to make a new recipe either tonight or on Sunday night. This one is Vegetable Curry. I think most of these recipes are vegetarian. Anyway this one will be the best one yet and I'll post pictures if I remember to take some.

Roommate Update

I talked to my roommate about the food situation. (I.e. the situation where he's been eating my food without my permission.) He said he was sorry and knew that he'd been eating a lot of it and said that it was because he lost his job but now he has a new job and would like to pay me back between $30 and $50 for the food he's eaten. I had no idea how much food he'd eaten so I said whatever he thought would be fair and so he said he would pay me $40. I guess that seems pretty fair, but like I said I have no idea how much of my stuff he's eaten. Hopefully he will now stop eating my food.

Mom's Email

Apparently mom hasn't been able to read her email for the last week or so because she lost her inbox. How do you lose your inbox? She says that she opens Eudora, it checks and downloads new mail, but then nothing. There is no inbox available to read new messages from. I think maybe she needs to change into a higher resolution to see if it's just hidden somewhere off her screen. I'll either have to get a copy of PC Anywhere or go home because as often as she has problems on her computer it would be easier for me to just look at her screen and fix it then to try to figure out what's wrong by her description.


The New Media Department is helping fund a guest speaker tomorrow. The thing is, he's not actually coming to the University (I think I may have already posted about this guy). Anyway he's being Webcasted from his office / home? in Ontario. They are marketing him as the world's first cyborg. I'll post my review tomorrow.

University of Lethbridge Enrollment

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I signed up for another semester here at the University of Lethbridge. They are Drama 1000, Music and Computers, New Media 3520, 3420, and 3030. It looks like Anna-Maria has decided that she is moving to Toronto whether or not she is going to go to school there this fall. I'm pretty sad about this and while I have considered moving there, it just seems pretty overwhelming considering the house, and the money to move, and if my courses will transfer and if I can even find a place to go to University that will let me in with the Major that I have in mind. I hope she just decides to stay.

Motion Capture Equipment Lecture / Experience

I signed up for this one day Motion Capture class that is taking place tomorrow. From what I understand the University has the equipment necessary to track a person's movements and place them on a computer generated person. Similar to, or perhaps even the exact same way they captured the movements for Gollum in The Lord of the Rings. Hopefully I'll get some interesting material that I can post to the Blog.
Well only 12 more days until my classes are over. I'm so glad. I only have writing to do for one group project left, and an inclass report. I have one assignment left for my MGIS 465 class. One midterm in my Telecomunications class (I know the last week of classes isn't really anywhere near being "midterm"). One take-home final, One in class final and a final on the 28th.
For the Gauntlet, I have some pictures for the Spoof and the last issue comes out on thursday. I'm so happy that it's all coming to an end for the summer. Now I just need to find a job. I don't really know what it is that I'm going to be doing this summer.
-Gary Milner

Thursday, April 03, 2003

Well, only 2 more weeks of classes, I'm pretty happy about that. I still have a bunch of assignments due soon, but they are almost done. I still don't really know what I'm going to do for a job this summer. Hopefully it's something that is not manual labor related. I dodged that bullet last year, and I hope I can do it again this year. If you know of any good job openings here in Calgary, let me know.

-Gary Milner

Wednesday, April 02, 2003


If you ever get a roommate, who has never lived away from home before, please tell him not to eat your food otherwise you may wake up in the morning without any milk for breakfast, or at least notice that most of it is gone.

French American Relations

Ok, this next section is for all those Americans who come to read the Milner Blog. We simply cannot allow the close relationship between the Americans and French to be destroyed because of some silly little dispute over who gets to run the world. That is why today I am calling upon you, my American blog readers, to ''extend the olive jar'' to our French brothers and sisters. I want you to deliberately approach French people wherever you can find them -- on the street, on the Internet, in the ''Small World'' ride at Disney World, in public restrooms -- and make friendly conversation to them in their own language (French). To help you do this, here is a list of friendly French phrases:

''Bonjour, personne francaise!'' ("Hello, French person!'')

''Je suis un Americain, et, dangue il, je vais vous donner une grande vieille etreinte!'' ("I am an American and, dang it, I am going to give you a big old hug!'')

''Parole! Vous ne sentez pas demi aussi de mauvais que j'ai prevu!'' ("Say! You do not smell half as bad as I expected!'')

''Qui s'inquiete qui court darned le monde?'' ("Who cares who runs the darned world?'')

''Voulez-vous la gomme? Elle ketchup-est assaisonnee!'' ("Do you want gum? It's ketchup-flavored!'')

''Voulez que je vous porte au mail dans mon SUV?'' ("Want me to take you to the mall in my SUV?'')

''Vous pouvez vous rendre au garde de securite!'' ("You can surrender to the security guard!'')

''Ha ha, je suis badiner juste autour hors de l'amiti!'' ("Ha ha, I am just kidding around out of friendship!'')

''Hey, revenez ici!'' ("Hey, come back here!'')

''Il n'y a aucune cause pour l'alarme! Mon pistolet a une surete!'' ("There is no cause for alarm! My gun has a safety!'')

Yes, Americans, with a little effort, you can heal this rift between that has grown between you and our old friends the French. Because, in the end, we have a lot more in common than we do separating us! Or, as the French would say, ''Je suis un grand gros menteur'' ("I am a big fat liar'').

Adapted (mostly copied) from a Dave Barry article.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

New Google Link

Here is a google search snippet of code. I was thinking about posting it on one of the sidebars but thought I would ask your opinions of it first. What do you think?


Happy April Fools Day!

I didn't do any pranks this April 1st, but there's always next year - not to mention the day is not over yet. If you're curious here is a little history about April Fools Day.

Important Fact About Yahoo News

When you read articles in the Yahoo Entertainment News & Gossip and gossip section about, say, the arrest of an insider trader from the future, it's important to remember that the article may have originated in the Weekly World News. How was I supposed to know?


I signed up for another year at the U of L today. I'm taking 5 courses this fall which is a nice increase from the 4 I took this Spring. Maybe the fact that I am only in four classes is related to the fact that I my GPA is through the roof! Or maybe it's because Art Teachers give easy grades. Easy? As if! I worked extremely hard for my grades, and I think it's pretty obvious that I am one of the best in the class, even if I am only enrolled in four classes.
Jeff Milner Movie Review

Anna-Maria and I went to see Punch Drunk Love last weekend. It is probably one of the tensest movies I care to remember seeing. Anna and I had white knuckles as we watched Adam Sandler perform as a socially backward individual just trying to fit in. While I really enjoyed this film, I don't think it's one for Mom and Dad. I don't think you guys would like it - it's not your typical Adam Sandler. Come to think of it, who knows because it seems to me that your tastes have often surprised me and maybe this is exactly your type of movie. Anyway it's a little slow at first, but it does pick up and the story wraps itself up just about as perfectly as possible. I highly recommend this movie to Gary and Tracie because you guys like to see all the movies anyway and I suspect this is one that you will like.