Stock Photography

fruit salad

I joined an online stock photography website today. This is the first photo that I uploaded to them.

Now all I have to do is sit back and watch the money come rolling in.

That and upload the rest of my non-people photos.

-Gary

I'm So Thirsty, I Can't Wait My Turn

Bowness Park

I was just looking at some old photos in my flickr account, and I haven't seen this photo in a long time.

I really like this photo a lot. It reminds me of a story my Dad told me about a photo he saw of his mom.

It was a photo of her riding in a wheel barrow. He said that in a million years, he couldn't have imagined his mother doing that.

I can only imagine what people who know us 20 years from now will think of this photo. Will we still be the type of people to do funny things for the camera or even with out a camera just for fun?

Will we be happy enjoying life or suffering some sort of crisis?

Will there even be drinking fountains in the future?

-Gary

Olympic Hockey and Life's Other Woes

Olympic Hockey
Originally uploaded by Tracie Milner.

We lost to Russia. (I guess I'll have to cheer for Finland now!) Not even bronze for Canada's reigning gold medalist hockey team :( Know how I know all this ? Not because these bloody Aussies show any hockey on television, but because I stayed up until nearly 8 in the morning listening to live radio from Vancouver on the internet. Boy...Canadians have THICK accents, eh ?! Quite nice to hear though...I was smiling to myself as I heard words being used that I forgot I haven't heard in a while. Things like, "That was so 'brutal'" and "We were just giv'n'r'!"

Crikey, I recon my rellies and mates back home will sound right strange when I get back.

In other news, I've decided that I need to get in shape. I've downloaded an 18 week marathon training program and I've gone running (Read: "Jogging like an injured koala") every day for the past three days. It's actually not as pittiful as I thought it would be... I can keep up a fair pace for about 30 minutes before I start hurting, and about 45 minutes before I feel like feeding myself to the dingos. My legs are pretty sore, but improving. I haven't signed up for a marathon yet, but I'm thinking of it. I'll give myself a few more weeks before I decide if I can do a full marathon or if I need to sign up for the half. The nice thing about living in Australia is that everyday is a nice day to jog. Even when it's a scorching 40 degrees and humid, going in the evening or early morning is still ok. I'll keep you posted.

-Tracie

Good News

Warming Up the Tires

After a week off, I'm back at work, temping in Perth. I'm working in the same office as I was before, another person is off on holiday's.

I'm not sure if they requested me by name, because I had asked my rep at the temp agency to call my previous employers back to ask about working in the evening. It took her a few days, but when she did eventually get around to calling, they had a day job for me that will last at least a week, maybe more.

My new supervisor said she is in the process of hiring a full time person, so she could have need of a temp for an entire month.

I could have done without the week off though. I'm down to about $40 for the next ten days. Hopefully Tracie get paid tomorrow so that I can make the rent on friday with out using the credit card.

I'm invited to Nick's for dinner to night so there's a meal saved, and Tracie learned a cheap pasta meal from the italians in Sydney that costs about $1.50 - $2.00 to make, so if I don't waste all my money on candy, I'll be fine.

-Gary Milner

Life's a Drag

Drag

Tracie and I went to see the drag races a couple of weeks ago. There were a few of the top fuelers here, which were spectacular, but unfortunately only about four of them.

They did the quarter mile in under 5 seconds. It blew my mind.

They claim that this is one of the best drag strips in the world because it is so close to sea level and because the air is so dry here.

The facility is very nice, they have two grassy burms for the spectators to sit on instead of bleachers. I imagine that it keeps the noise down a little bit, and prevents accidents like the time Maude Flanders was killed when a t-shirt fired from a t-shirt cannon knocked her off the top row of the bleacher in an episode of "The Simpsons."

-Gary Milner


Ps. Are the love poems from the 14th something romantic enough to make me not the least romantic person in the entire world? Keep in mind the fact that I got up early while Tracie was still asleep to write them. Comment in the comment section.

Journalists Are Weird

When President Clinton got into trouble with Monika Lewsinski, the news media accused him of being a bad example to the kids of America. It never seemed to occur to them that it was themselves who were spreading the news in graffic detail to anyone who would listen. And they harped on it for years.

Now, Vice President Dick Cheney has had shooting accident. The news media thinks that the real story doesn't concern the shooting incident itself but the fact that Cheney didn't immediately report the incident to the news media. They're absolutey outraged and they just won't let it rest. They demand over and over again to have an explaination of why Cheney didn't publically announce that he had an accident.

Well here's the answer my friends to all you people who don't understand why he didn't go to the media. You must be kind of dumb so I'll explain in the form of an analogy. Imagine for a minute that it was yourself that accidently shot someone. Would you immediately run to the phone and shout the news to the world or would you just quietly let the news take care of itself and maybe hope for a miracle that it wouldn't be a big news story. That's what I would have done and so would you.

Happy Hallmark Day!

Tracie

Here are some love poems to Tracie, written in the "Becky Style".

Tracie she's a babe!
Her eyes are blue like my camera bag,
Her hair is brown like A&W Root Beer,
Tracie, what a babe!

Tracie she's a babe!
Her skin is soft like hand lotion,
Her jokes are funny like a dog wearing boots,
Tracie, what a babe!

Tracie she's a babe!
She likes to sleep in like a cat,
Her smile is nice like a chocolate bar,
Tracie what a babe!

Tracie she's a babe!
Her love is better than ice cream,
She's better than anything else that I've tried,
Tracie she's a babe!

I love Tracie!

Hockey Time

lord stanley's cup
Originally uploaded by PictureTakinDevil.

Ice Hockey, that is.

When you talk about hockey with an Australian, you have to specify that you are refering to ice hockey. If in your discussion you forget to specify this and the Aussie - detecting your Canadian accent - asks if you are refering to ice hockey, try to resist replying "Is there any other kind?". I've made this mistake a few times, only to be told each time by a bloke with a straight face that I could have been talking about field hockey.

Field Hockey?? Are you kidding me??

Field hockey is field hockey, hockey is hockey.

I feel sorry for Australians when it comes to sports...I really do.

Now that the winter Olympics have started, I find myself more than ever missing my home country. As I was watching the opening ceremonies of the olympics last night, I noticed that the cameras panned slowly over the Australian team, discussing each member briefly, and then quickly scanned over the rest of the teams. I caught a quick glance at the Canadian flag but that was it. No mention of the Canadians, when they would be playing, who to watch for or anything. In fact, beyond what I just said, the Australians didn't get much more coverage either. They quickly cut from the olympic opening ceremony to tennis doubles on one channel and cricket on another.

Cricket and Tennis? I'd rather watch curling any day.

I think they just don't care about winter olympics. Weirdos.

I looked up the ICE hockey schedule for the coming weeks, and I'm really excited to cheer on my country. I only hope the ICE hockey games aren't preempted by re-runs of Home and Away or The Alice.

Oh, Canada.
I miss you, eh?

Attacked by Sharks

Tracie and I were at a beach towards the north end of the Perth suburbs when were were viciously attacked by a pair of sharks hiding in the waves. They looked just like this only, bigger with more teeth and hiding in the waves.

I was about waist deep in the water when I saw them about 30 feet away. I shouted to Tracie, "Look at that!"

She was only about knee deep, and we both high tailed it out of the water. It turns out that they weren't really sharks, only a pair of dolphins, but it gave us a little scare especially since there is a beach on the south end of town that has been closed because of a herd of about six sharks that have been hanging around.

The police have been patroling down there to make sure no one goes into the water. It's not a popular tourist beach down there, they use it mostly as an exercise beach for horses to go in the water and for people to walk their dogs.

The thought of sharks in the area has been in the back of my mind for the last few days.

-Gary

People are funny

There's a movie showing in theatres called "Brokeback mountain. I wouldn't go within a mile of it myself and I advise you to avoid it at all costs as well because of it's filthy content. That fact notwithstanding I have read that the beautiful background scenery in it would just about melt your heart. The story took place in the State of Wyoming. However---the movie was filmed in Canada. Droves of people have been phoning to find out where it was filmed so that they when they take their holidays they can go there to enjoy the scenery first hand. Somehow, when they hear it was filmed in Canada, they let it go in one ear and out the other and say well, "we're heading for Wyoming this summer. Figure that one out.

Four Things

Lemon

Four jobs I’ve had

Used Golf Ball Seller
Photographer
Bank Teller
Office Temp

Four movies I can watch over and over

Clueless
A League of Their Own
Back to the Future
Office Space

Four places I have lived

Medicine Hat, Canada
Buenos Aires, Argentina
Perth, Australia
Calgary, Canada

Four TV shows I love to watch

Boston Legal
Prison Break
Deal or No Deal (Gameshow in Australia)
The Simpsons

Four places I have been on vacation

Tasmania
Hong Kong
Singapore
Australia

Four of my favorite dishes

Pizza
Balsamic Chicken
Steak
Tandori Chicken

Four websites I visit daily

jeffmilner.com
Flickr
Slashdot
BoingBoing

Four places I would rather be right now

Medicine Hat, Canada
Calgary, Canada
Any dinner table eating
In bed

-Gary Milner

A Brilliant Editorial

From "We are all Danes Now" an opinion piece on boston.com.

HINDUS CONSIDER it sacrilegious to eat meat from cows, so when a Danish supermarket ran a sale on beef and veal last fall, Hindus everywhere reacted with outrage. India recalled its ambassador to Copenhagen, and Danish flags were burned in Calcutta, Bombay, and Delhi. A Hindu mob in Sri Lanka severely beat two employees of a Danish-owned firm, and demonstrators in Nepal chanted: ''War on Denmark! Death to Denmark!"In many places, shops selling Dansk china or Lego toys were attacked by rioters, and two Danish embassies were firebombed.

Read the rest of the article.

-Gary

Magpie Caught

Admiring the daisies

I heard this story from a 13 year-old kid.

He said, ''I found a magpie caught in a fence. It's wing was dislocated and it couldn't get itself free. I used a pair of sissors to get it free. He was stuck in there for quite awhile. After I got him untangled, I popped his wing back into place. He couldn't fly for awhile but soon he flew away. A little while later he flew back and landed at my feet where he gave me the fly from a broken zipper. It was very shiney."

I suspect it was the magpie's prized possession. The moral of the story is be kind to everyone.

-Gary

Botched self surgery

It's been a few days since I had the growth under my arm freeze-dried at the doctors office. The growth has been sort of slowly withering since that time but it feels sore and irritating. The soreness and irritation is what gave me the idea to do some self surgery in the form of quickly slicing it off once and for all . What I really wanted to do was use a sharp knife or razor blade but that was not possible because to do this you have to hold the growth with one hand and slice with the other hand. The solution was using a pair of scissors. What I failed to remember is that usually in a case like this you should really have someone pulling on the growth the same as you would if you were using a knife. So the inevitable happened. The growth merely wedged between the blades of the scissors. Luckily I never passed out from the pain or loss of blood and was able to stanch the bleeding by the application of pressure and toilet paper. This isn't the first time I've botched self surgery.

What's My Name Again

So I've been temping at a place where they sell cable tv, broadband internet and deal with people switching between telephone companies. On my first day there I had this exchange.

"This is everyone, everyone this is-what's your name?"

"Gary"

"Kerry?"

"No, Gary"

"Kerry?"

"No, Gary"

"Jerry?"

"No, Gary"

I must mumble pretty bad, because several people over the last few days have thought my name was Kerry. Anyway, over the next few days the team leader and one other person have been calling me Jerry. I thought it was funny for the first few days and so I didn't say anything. The few days after that I thought that some of the other people who learned my real name would tell her. Now it's been over two weeks and I'm too embarassed to tell her that my name isn't Jerry. Really it's embarassing for both of us.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like George Costanza, only he could get himself in to a position where he would have to pretend to have a name other than his own.

I'm thinking of dealing with it over email so that I don't have to do it in person or find a way so that other people don't overhear. That seems like it would be the least embarassing for everyone involved. That and I don't have one of those name tags that say, "Hello my name is"

-Gary Milner

Of Wolves and sled dogs

According to todays quote of the day on google: "In politics, you must always run with the pack.
the moment you falter, the rest sense that you are injured and will attack you like wolves."
Well I hope the politicians don't feel like lone rangers or anything because this phenomenon
is sadly very common everywhere. I could right a book on the subject.

Modern medicine

I went to the doctor the other day to have a finger like growth removed from under my arm.
He first had a look at it and then he went out of the room and came back in with a steaming cauldren of liquid hydrogen. I had heard of such a thing but I had never actually seen it. Well he rubbed some of the hydrogen on the growth using a q-tip, being very careful not to get any on himself. He said the growth would shrivel up and fall off in a few days. It hasn't done it yet but thats beside the point. The point is I was reminded of old western movies that had scenes of oldtime cowboys doing field surgery. They could cure about anything by heating up a hunting knife to a red glow and then liberally applying it to the affected area. I remember thinking that this was a pretty barbaric practice. But no more. Now I know that what they were doing was actually pretty high tech because doctors are still doing something similar till this day.

Excerpts from the Simpsons

Homer: Are you saying your never going to eat any animal again?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those are all from the same animal.
Homer: Heh, heh heh...ooh...yeh...right, Lisa. A wonderful...magical animal.
-------
Homer (praying), Dear Lord you have been very good to me. As an offering I present these milk and cookies . If you want me to eat them instead, please give me me no sign whatsoever...thy bidding will be done (glomp glomp glomp)

I Hit For Six or You Need a Crumpet to Play Cricket

I Hit For Six

I played cricket for the first time today. It's about as easy as it looks. It would be easier with a little instruction though.

The worst part of it is that over the course of a four hour game, each player besides the catcher is involve in about 10 minutes of actual playing.

Fielding is fine, you go out into the field and when the ball comes to you, you catch it or pick it up and throw it to the people who are standing near the stumps. These are the people actually playing the game.

Batting is a little more complicated, especially when everyone says, "Just hold the bat however it feels comfortable." This would be fine because it doesn't really matter how you hold the bat as much as it matters how you swing the bat. They don't seem to think that it's important to tell you which way to swing the bat. But I'll tell you. Hold the bat perpendicular to the ground. Swing the bat perpendicular to the ground. No matter how bad the bowler is, they want to hit the stumps with the ball. The ball will eventually go near the stumps. It's a lot like baseball in that way. Eventually a pitch will come into the zone where you are expecting it and you can hit it.

I figured it out after about five overs which is about 30 pitches. Luckily it's practically impossible to get people out in this game. After I caught on to where they were pitching (the strike zone in baseball is in a different time zone) I found that I could hit at least as well as I can at baseball.

I scored 10 runs which isn't many when you consider that people who actually play the game score in the hundreds on a routine basis. I'm pretty sure that I got the fourth most runs on my team, but I didn't look at the score sheet after everyone had had their turn.

The most difficult part for someone who has never played cricket is bowling. You have to throw the ball overhand without bending your arm more than 15 degrees. Don't let a cricket fan hear you use the word throwing though. Throwing involves bending you arm and they will look at you with contempt.

-Gary Milner the Cricketeer

The Shop

Peppers

I did a bunch of photos for the shop the other day and made a set on flickr. If you would like to see them, here they are.

I think it may have given the impression that the shop is ready to go, but it isn't yet. Some of the photos were taken at a friend's vineyard in the Swan Valley, and the rest were taken at the wholesale market in Canningvale, in southern Perth.

All in all, the photos turned out well, but I need to edit them a little before we get them printed. We are getting 13 or so printed for the wall at the shop, about 4 feet by 6 feet. They will be the biggest enlargements I have ever had done.

It looks like the temping job is going to last a little longer than I expected, maybe two more weeks or so. they seem a little back logged.

-Gary Milner