Thursday, March 16, 2006

Cool Grapes and Cold Feet

I'm getting cold feet about working in the shop. It seems like our trip to Australia has been all messed up. We have four months left, and we only spent one month in Melbourne (we had planned three), I only spent a weekend in Sydney (The plan was three months) and it looks like we won't make it to Brisbane for the three months we had planned to be there.

Ayer's Rock is pretty much out at this point. It looks like we won't have the money to go there now. I guess we could charge it, but spending money we don't have rubs us the wrong way a little anyway.

We had planned to be sending a little money home by this point, but we are now living cheque to cheque. It looks like we will need our tax returns to make our student loan payments.

To tell you the truth, I've been having way less fun since we left Perth in November than I was having in the first five months of the trip. I'm including the fun I'm having right now and fun I perceive myself having for the next four months.

I'm a pretty happy guy 99% of the time, so I'm self diagnosing mild self pity.

This is going to be all over the place, but I think the reason I'm getting cold feet about doing the shop is because I don't really know or understand my motivations for wanting to do it in the first place.

I can't be certain if I want to do it because I actually want to do it or if I'm ok with doing it and I think Tracie wants to stay here in Australia. I'm worried that Tracie is actually only willing to stay in Australia and doing mainly so that I can work in the shop. She says she wants to stay in Australia, but that more importantly than that she doesn't really want to go back to Canada (or only go to visit ocasionally).

It could turn out that I am just homesick.

I feel lost.


1 comment:

Jackie Hutchinson said...

Gary, when people say do what you love, it doesn't really make any sense. How are we supposed to know what it is we really love? Well, I have found that I really love doing photography. I love everything about it really. Even though I have alot to learn about it, it's something that I think about all the time. In fact, it's all I really want to talk about and I wish more people had an interest in it. I suggest not doing the fruit thing because I don't think YOU will be happy staying in Australia.